You can be proud of your sexuality and still in the closet for your own safety. Not everyone you know has to know that you’re not straight for you to be a ‘good’ queer/gay. Protecting yourself from homophobes is not ‘contributing to the issue’. Do not come out into a dangerous situation with no support network or without any financial independence. If you think someone might out you, don’t tell them shit.
you can be non-binary and still want to be referred to as he or she
you can be non-binary and still want to be someone’s girlfriend/boyfriend
you can be non-binary and be in a straight-passing relationship
you can be non-binary and want to refer to yourself with gendered language
there is no right way to be non-binary
your identity is perfect the way it is
don’t ever feel like you’re ~not queer enough~ because just by existing you are queer enough.
“Perhaps the most widespread myth is the belief that mothers are favored by courts in custody disputes, which stopped being true decades ago. It is true that for roughly the first half of the 1900s the ‘Tender Years Doctrine’ was influential, and mothers had some advantage in gaining custody of young children. (Prior to about 1900, mothers had no rights regarding custody at all.) But in the 1970s the tide was turning back, for various reasons, and by the 1980s fathers were winning at least joint custody in a majority of the custody battles they undertook, and winning sole custody more often than mothers, a situation that remains today. And the fathers who are taking advantage of this imbalance are largely abusive ones; researchers have found that abusers are twice as likely as non-abusive men to seek custody.
Courts are highly reluctant to curtail fathers’ access to their children. As a number of court employees have said to me over the years, ‘There are so many fathers out there who abandon their children, and here I have a dad who wants to be involved; you’re telling me I should discourage him?’ As a result they tend to hold fathers to much lower standards than mothers. Supervised visitation is not often imposed, and usually gets lifted within a few months as long as the father behaves well under supervisions, as most abusive men do.”
Lundy Bancroft in When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse (2004), pp. 240, 243–44 (via mikroblogolas)
@all the men who cite misandry harms men for this reason alone. (via glompcat)
just gonna say this: if someone has social anxiety and they ask you something akin to ‘are you mad at me’ or ‘do you hate me’, it isn’t because they don’t trust you, it’s because their brain literally tells them that all the time
it’s not a personal slight, it’s insecurity caused by mental illness
Nearly everyone with ADHD answers an emphatic yes to the question: “Have you always been more sensitive than others to rejection, teasing, criticism, or your own perception that you have failed or fallen short?” This is the definition of a condition called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. When I ask ADHDers to elaborate on it, they say: “I’m always tense. I can never relax. I can’t just sit there and watch a TV program with the rest of the family. I can’t turn my brain and body off to go to sleep at night. Because I’m sensitive to my perception that other people disapprove of me, I am fearful in personal interactions.” They are describing the inner experience of being hyperactive or hyper-aroused. Remember that most kids after age 14 don’t show much overt hyperactivity, but it’s still present internally, if you ask them about it.
The emotional response to the perception of failure is catastrophic for those with the condition. The term “dysphoria” means “difficult to bear,” and most people with ADHD report that they “can hardly stand it.” They are not wimps; disapproval hurts them much more than it hurts neurotypical people.
If emotional pain is internalized, a person may experience depression and loss of self-esteem in the short term. If emotions are externalized, pain can be expressed as rage at the person or situation that wounded them.
In the long term, there are two personality outcomes. The person with ADHD becomes a people pleaser, always making sure that friends, acquaintances, and family approve of him. After years of constant vigilance, the ADHD person becomes a chameleon who has lost track of what she wants for her own life. Others find that the pain of failure is so bad that they refuse to try anything unless they are assured of a quick, easy, and complete success. Taking a chance is too big an emotional risk. Their lives remain stunted and limited.
For many years, rejection-sensitive dysphoria has been the hallmark of what has been called atypical depression. The reason that it was not called “typical” depression is that it is not depression at all but the ADHD nervous system’s instantaneous response to the trigger of rejection.”
– "Devastated by Disapproval" - William Dodson, M.D., ADDitude Magazine (via alchemy)
SUPER AGGRESSIVE REMINDER!
PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESSES HAVE A LOWER RATE OF VIOLENCE THAN THE GENERAL POPULATION.
MOST PEOPLE WHO ARE VIOLENT DO NOT HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS.
THE IDEA THAT PEOPLE WITH MI = VIOLENT IS GREATLY EXAGGERATED AND DUE TO NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES
THOSE OF US WITH MENTAL ILLNESSES ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE THE VICTIMS OF VIOLENCE THAN THE PERPETRATORS
SO STOP TRYING TO EXCUSE THE ACTIONS OF A FUCKING MISOGYNISTIC MURDERER
(SOURCE FOR YOU FUCKERS)
constantly thinking “wow, i’ve really internalized some toxic shit”
yall still care about the world cup even though i saw yall promise to boycott it like 9 months ago when we first started hearing about the massive human rights violations for brazilians leading up to it and then on top of that you still make fun of americans for not watching it like lmao? look at yourself
also i’m sick of everyone acting like all abuse= the absence of love
because it makes it so much harder when it’s framed that way to recognize abuse as abuse
it’s so much more subtle than that. Someone can care about you enough to sacrifice everything for you and still be an abuser.
Just because someone loves you doesn’t mean you have to put up with that
maybe we can talk about the ways that fatphobia and cissexism manifest and the double standard they create when combined
in that thin trans people, regardless of birth assignment, are seen as having a more viable, believable, and “passable” gender identity than their fat…